I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
