i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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