It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
