I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
