You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
