im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
