My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize