Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
