she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
