i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
