Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
