One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
