'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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