i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
