i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
