But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
