I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
