I hate all girls vehemently.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A+ Viking dick
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize