I skipped work to stalk him.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize