So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
