Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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