just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have aggressive nipples.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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