Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
