Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
