Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize