Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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