I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
