I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
