Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
