i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
