it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
