so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just google imaged poop.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
