he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
