I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
