I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He shit in the fireplace
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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