my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
