I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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