Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
