i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
