I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
