I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
