so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
