ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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