I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
