apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
