i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
