You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
