The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
