he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
