you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
