thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
