FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
