I just saw a hot homeless man
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This is the high leading the old right now
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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