She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
