Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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