kristin has been a bad kristin
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
