My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
