Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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