I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
