you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
