That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Randomize
