are you still at the devil's house?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
