last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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