that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
