Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize