She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
