i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
