1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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