that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Randomize
