I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Randomize
