you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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