good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
