it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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