just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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