your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
