I don't think brook has ever known best
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
