Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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