i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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