I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize