In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
