My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
